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Monday, June 14, 2010

The Conflict Within

Many a times, our self created image of an ideal personality responds to the external world, as opposed to what the true self wants to say. We unknowingly completely ignore our true self. The more the difference between these two, more is this behavior demonstrated. This makes a person restless from within and reasons difficult to find. One personality responds with personality defined by environment/society, which has to a good extent the element of fear, whereas, the true self who is hidden deep within respond with freedom, whenever it does.

For example, you may hear people saying many a times that "I never hide anything, I'm an honest person", whereas such a person doesn't exist in India generally, because of the environment we're in. It's taught to us that we should be honest but we culturally don't even promote if the truth comes out as-is, like somebody's desire to become a barber. The freedom of expressing this desire has such a strong implicit opposition, that once won’t dare say it. A barber may earn 50,000 or even more a month but that’s not something that someone should do in the country of talented engineers, doctors, MBAs, CAs and what-nots.

Another interesting example is of the lover boys saying - "I love her, not for the physical pleasure, but because of the way she is, like understanding, simple, traditional and what not", now that's another famous conflicting fact, because Indian society creates an ideal inside us which doesn't promote physical pleasure, whereas the desire is so strong within, results only create conflicts, sometimes even fatal. A friend of mine gave a good analogy here – In US, “I like you” or not even that can get you what you are looking for, whereas in India you have to say the three magic words and then make a lot of effort even after that. :-)

The root I believe lies in upbringing of a person, which in turn depends on the environmental circumstances or the society. It depends a lot on how much a society promotes freedom as opposed to fear. I’ve seen only two cultures and on the scale of conflicts within, the bar is considerably low in US, as compared to India, and that's where I draw these conclusions from. In India-like societies, you are made to believe that the decisions made for you on your behalf by somebody are for your good. A certain things, a few idols always come as a package.
To bridge the gap between the ideal and the self, a lot of introspection is required. Talking to self, be honest and to not fool our-self are some ways I can think of. We do need a society that promotes freedom, “how” is the problem.
From the examples above, one thing that may also come to your mind is the incentive or “Fayda” which lets a person represent the self differently. The difference there though is that of a conscious decision versus unknown decision. A person can think of incentive even while being completely ignorant of the personality he is exhibiting.

What do societies do differently that promote freedom? I think that if things are liberal since inception, it’s easier to promote freedom as opposed to drive a reform later. Changing mindset of billions take much more than starting a society of few thousands. For us, it’s a huge mindset change, methods for which are not straightforward. Got any idea to drive the reform or is there even a need?

3 comments:

Himali said...

Wow Wow!
Post is as usual nice and its great to see you writing something other than travelogues.

I second you when you say that we need to reform ourselves to be more free, where one need not hide their true self and come out in open as they really are but is it really feasible whether in US or India or in Timbaktoo?

There is more to it than just the environmental factors or just the upbrining as to why one decides to hide their true self and behave in certain manner which may not please even them. Its their inner nature and instinct too. Its especially difficult for ultra sensitive people to face the realities of the world so they shield themselves with an outer coating of being brash or super-cold. They aint all that 'weather-proof' afterall. Its just they exhibit a self that will act as a barrier and save them from the hurt and pain that the others or rather their own ultra sensitiveness would inflict on them.
And seriously whats really a big deal about being brazenly honest? Deep down everyone knows the truth, why do we take it upon ourselves to 'ring the bell and tell the truth' everytime we feel someone is lying? Does this honesty really pay when one tell a girl you are super ugly and that breaks her heart? I would prefer lying or rather keeping mute than being blatant about it. Sometimes a small lie is what saves a lot of trouble.Its just that you should be mature enough to understand when it needs to be spoken and when to be honest than being a 'ever green- ever honest' type.

I loved the way your friend differentiated between US and Indian society about 'Liking someone and having benefits';)
i recall a joke here...

An american, Jane was busy in kitchen when she heard children fighting outside in the garden so she went to her husband Mike complaining..

Mike!! Your children and My children are beating our children!!!

Its those three magical words and the efforts after that is what keeps this problem from rising in India as rapdidly as it has in US.

a very thought provoking post.

Keep writing
God Bless
Himali

Aparna Pai said...

Finally a topic which I can comment on :)
I feel, someone who has difference between self and self-created self-image is always troubled, miserable and frustrated.
But dont all the Positive thinking guides tell that you should Imagine yourself what you want to be ?

About cultures, I believe these are like Software Maintenance projects.. The team is volatile, the processes keep building and changing..As time goes, no one knows why a particular process is in place and continues working the same way because its mentioned somewhere in the docs. :)

Aparna Pai said...

Finally a topic which I can comment on :)
I feel, someone who has difference between self and self-created self-image is always troubled, miserable and frustrated.
But dont all the Positive thinking guides tell that you should Imagine yourself what you want to be ?

About cultures, I believe these are like Software Maintenance projects.. The team is volatile, the processes keep building and changing..As time goes, no one knows why a particular process is in place and continues working the same way because its mentioned somewhere in the docs. :)