Many a times, our self created image of an ideal personality responds to the external world, as opposed to what the true self wants to say. We unknowingly completely ignore our true self. The more the difference between these two, more is this behavior demonstrated. This makes a person restless from within and reasons difficult to find. One personality responds with personality defined by environment/society, which has to a good extent the element of fear, whereas, the true self who is hidden deep within respond with freedom, whenever it does.
For example, you may hear people saying many a times that "I never hide anything, I'm an honest person", whereas such a person doesn't exist in India generally, because of the environment we're in. It's taught to us that we should be honest but we culturally don't even promote if the truth comes out as-is, like somebody's desire to become a barber. The freedom of expressing this desire has such a strong implicit opposition, that once won’t dare say it. A barber may earn 50,000 or even more a month but that’s not something that someone should do in the country of talented engineers, doctors, MBAs, CAs and what-nots.
Another interesting example is of the lover boys saying - "I love her, not for the physical pleasure, but because of the way she is, like understanding, simple, traditional and what not", now that's another famous conflicting fact, because Indian society creates an ideal inside us which doesn't promote physical pleasure, whereas the desire is so strong within, results only create conflicts, sometimes even fatal. A friend of mine gave a good analogy here – In US, “I like you” or not even that can get you what you are looking for, whereas in India you have to say the three magic words and then make a lot of effort even after that. :-)
The root I believe lies in upbringing of a person, which in turn depends on the environmental circumstances or the society. It depends a lot on how much a society promotes freedom as opposed to fear. I’ve seen only two cultures and on the scale of conflicts within, the bar is considerably low in US, as compared to India, and that's where I draw these conclusions from. In India-like societies, you are made to believe that the decisions made for you on your behalf by somebody are for your good. A certain things, a few idols always come as a package.
To bridge the gap between the ideal and the self, a lot of introspection is required. Talking to self, be honest and to not fool our-self are some ways I can think of. We do need a society that promotes freedom, “how” is the problem.
From the examples above, one thing that may also come to your mind is the incentive or “Fayda” which lets a person represent the self differently. The difference there though is that of a conscious decision versus unknown decision. A person can think of incentive even while being completely ignorant of the personality he is exhibiting.
What do societies do differently that promote freedom? I think that if things are liberal since inception, it’s easier to promote freedom as opposed to drive a reform later. Changing mindset of billions take much more than starting a society of few thousands. For us, it’s a huge mindset change, methods for which are not straightforward. Got any idea to drive the reform or is there even a need?
